I've been missing her a lot lately. Well, I miss her all the time. That's silly. But there's some stuff going on right now that is making it twice as hard for me that she's gone. It's probably just hormones, but it's just really hard. I was driving to church today just wishing I could skip out and drive to Houston to put some Easter flowers on her grave. She loved Easter, and she loved the flowers that are out in the spring; hyacinths, hydrangeas, lillies. And I wish I could have been there to put flowers on her grave last month for her birthday. I am anxious for that idiot to finish her headstone so I can go get it and have it placed. I can only think of her small mound of dirt sitting there lonely in the trees and it makes me very sad. It's been cold and so I wonder if any of the flowers that we planted are still growing. I seem to doubt it.

A lot of people say that they dream about those that have gone on. I had one back when Obama was elected. We were sitting at her friend Sherry's kitchen table and I came in and told her that he had been elected. That was it. Silly little short thing. I haven't dreamt of her since. If I have, I don't remember. In a way I think I might be tuning it out, not ready for it to happen, whatever. I think it would be really hard but at the same time I ... no, even thinking about it makes me want to say no. Why is that I wonder? Why am I denying that?

So something has happened recently, something that I know she would have been worried about, and I wonder what she thinks about it now that she's up there and her perspective has possibly changed. I'm not ready to say anything specific yet, but ... I just wonder what she'd say....